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  #16  
Old 11-13-2014, 08:23 AM
dave42 dave42 is offline
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the OP said.. "... I don't really want to assign certain guitars to certain kids, but I don't want to leave them with difficult decisions to make..."

I can't tell you how many stories I've heard of what seems to be reasonable people you know that go crazy with greed after someone passes away. Have a conversation with those kids (or not) and assign the guitars to minimalism the conflict that could occur.
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  #17  
Old 11-13-2014, 08:34 AM
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Going through this with my Mom right now. I know my brother is a greedy and self-centered. I know I'm not that attached to material goods and not that "into" money. I told her on anything big she is concerned about, she can offer him first choice now so there won't be issues later. It kind of backfired because on her house he made his choice, and 3 months later changed his mind to what he thought would make him more money. Too late. Paperwork was already filed. So he's angry.

Not using this as a therapy session. Just trying to show that no matter how hard you try, or how fair you try to be, it can go bad. So trust your head and your heart. Do what you know to be the right thing. And remember that material goods never made, nor kept, anybody happy.

Based on your children's personalities it may be worth talking to the more mellow one about their feelings on the "approach" you take.

It isn't easy. But it's not your love you are giving them. You already give them that. It's just stuff.
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  #18  
Old 11-13-2014, 08:35 AM
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I'm leaving whatever guitars and other musical instruments I'll have, along with my library, to my best friend, also a guitar player. I'm not specifying which guitars because who knows what I'll have when I kick the bucket?
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  #19  
Old 11-13-2014, 08:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by open strings View Post
I'm doing my Will now, and want to do the most loving thing for my family with regards to my guitars and gear. Two of my three children are avid guitar players. I don't really want to assign certain guitars to certain kids, but I don't want to leave them with difficult decisions to make after my passing. Not sure whether to provide guidance or to leave it up to my survivors. I imagine there are good ways to approach this. I'd be interested in how you may have handled it. Thanks in advance.
Ask them which ones they want, and if they both pick the same guitars tell them they have to flip for it or something along those lines.
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  #20  
Old 11-13-2014, 08:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by open strings View Post
I'm doing my Will now, and want to do the most loving thing for my family with regards to my guitars and gear. Two of my three children are avid guitar players. I don't really want to assign certain guitars to certain kids, but I don't want to leave them with difficult decisions to make after my passing. Not sure whether to provide guidance or to leave it up to my survivors. I imagine there are good ways to approach this. I'd be interested in how you may have handled it. Thanks in advance.
It's simple: give the guitars to them BEFORE you croak, that way you can all be in on the decision, your conscience will be clear and you will alive to share the joy.
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  #21  
Old 11-13-2014, 08:49 AM
TominNJ TominNJ is offline
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this is a really difficult thing to get right. You could avoid all hurt feelings by leaving them to me. that way your children all get the exact same nothing.

Seriously, you might want to write something out for each child about the guitars especially if any of them have CITES materials. Do they require light strings? A personal note to each child about how you hope they enjoy the instrument could be a very special thing to them. Leave the note in the case for them to find.

Last edited by TominNJ; 11-13-2014 at 08:54 AM.
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  #22  
Old 11-13-2014, 08:53 AM
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It's simple: give the guitars to them BEFORE you croak, that way you can all be in on the decision, your conscience will be clear and you will alive to share the joy.

This actually makes a lot of sense. If you want to play until your dying day, you can retain possession of one guitar but everyone will know that it belongs to Kid X. And chances are, if you live the good long life we all wish for you, you'll decline gradually and be willing to part with that last guitar before drawing your final breath.
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  #23  
Old 11-13-2014, 09:23 AM
Thorby Bislam Thorby Bislam is offline
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Good thread. In my will, I've left everything to my wife. After reading a comment on AGF last year about "giving with warm hands" I've already given away my LP to my youngest son. Only thing is neither my wife nor my eldest son is musically inclined. So after reading through this thread I think what I'll do with the rest of my gear is add a piece that will say my youngest gets first choice of stuff. What he doesn't want, I'll leave to the local folk club (of which I am a regular) to auction off. That way my friends there can have a share and the proceeds can go to my widow.
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  #24  
Old 11-13-2014, 09:28 AM
kydave kydave is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by open strings View Post
I'm doing my Will now, and want to do the most loving thing for my family with regards to my guitars and gear. Two of my three children are avid guitar players. I don't really want to assign certain guitars to certain kids, but I don't want to leave them with difficult decisions to make after my passing. Not sure whether to provide guidance or to leave it up to my survivors. I imagine there are good ways to approach this. I'd be interested in how you may have handled it. Thanks in advance.
I work in estate planning & administration and commend you for your foresight.

Talk to the children. Figure out who wants what and take it from there.

IF there is likely to be a conflict (i.e. both of them want dad's old D-28), draw straws now rather than after you're dead and put it in your will accordingly.

You'll be doing your family a huge favor.



P.S. If your guitar has an interesting story/history, write a personal account and put it in the guitar case or with your will, pointing out what guitar it goes with. I started a story about the history of my first D-28, which I bought in 1971 and still have/play. Lotsa stories that your child will appreciate after you're dead.
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  #25  
Old 11-13-2014, 09:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by open strings View Post
I'm doing my Will now, and want to do the most loving thing for my family with regards to my guitars and gear. Two of my three children are avid guitar players. I don't really want to assign certain guitars to certain kids, but I don't want to leave them with difficult decisions to make after my passing. Not sure whether to provide guidance or to leave it up to my survivors. I imagine there are good ways to approach this. I'd be interested in how you may have handled it. Thanks in advance.
I bought 3 very nice high end guitars with the intention of leaving one to each of my children when I leave the planet. I thought about your question as well and plan to assign a specific guitar to each child to avoid them having to deal with it.
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  #26  
Old 11-13-2014, 09:33 AM
Dru Edwards Dru Edwards is offline
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Originally Posted by matthewpartrick View Post
Ask them which ones they want, and if they both pick the same guitars tell them they have to flip for it or something along those lines.
+1.

Have you discussed it with them?
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  #27  
Old 11-13-2014, 10:00 AM
Aaron Smith Aaron Smith is offline
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Exactly what I was going to suggest. You're all alive now, tell them you're working on your will and have the discussion. Some of this depends on your family, and whether you can have that discussion at all. Unfortunately, between my aging parents and I, that discussion is a no-fly zone. In my wife's family,they literally have a name tag on the bottom of every piece of furniture in the house to specify which kid gets it when her mother passes on.

My experience with wills is that the best intentions can lead to the worst results. The surviving family will be under a lot of duress, and it brings out the worst in everyone. You may assign things in a way that you think is fair, only to have one of your children become very hurt at what they perceive as a slight.

Here's an example. My grandfather was a concert violinist. He had a very nice old violin, which was placed under an aunt's bed in Pittsburgh after he died in 1972, and neglected for the next 40+ years. I am the only surviving descendant who plays violin, or even has an interest in music. I got the instrument out 3 years ago, to find that it was in terrible condition. In pieces and full of cracks from lack of humidity during dry winters, bow hair and leather case completely eaten up by carpet mites, etc. It is an instrument that is worth restoring; I told my brother and cousins that I would like to serve as the family curator, and didn't mind coming out of pocket for the several thousand dollars it would cost to get the instrument back to good health. You would not believe the drama that unfolded. Most of my non-musical cousins, who I generally get along with otherwise, took great offense to the idea that I would take possession of the instrument. It literally made them happier for the instrument to rot away under a bed until it was worthless than for ME to have it, even if it cost me thousands of dollars.

And so it goes with families. Sorting this out for them ahead of time is a great mercy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kydave View Post
I work in estate planning & administration and commend you for your foresight.

Talk to the children. Figure out who wants what and take it from there.

IF there is likely to be a conflict (i.e. both of them want dad's old D-28), draw straws now rather than after you're dead and put it in your will accordingly.

You'll be doing your family a huge favor.



P.S. If your guitar has an interesting story/history, write a personal account and put it in the guitar case or with your will, pointing out what guitar it goes with. I started a story about the history of my first D-28, which I bought in 1971 and still have/play. Lotsa stories that your child will appreciate after you're dead.
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Last edited by Aaron Smith; 11-13-2014 at 10:12 AM.
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  #28  
Old 11-13-2014, 10:38 AM
sawdustdave sawdustdave is offline
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I've not started my will, but I should. I've thought about "who gets what", and as far as my guitars are concerned my eldest daughter gets my Larry, and my son, the Martin. The rest of the guitars they can do with as they see fit.

When my wife passed we gave much of her classroom teaching "stuff" to any teacher who could use it, and much stayed in her old classroom. I know that a lot of what I consider "nice" or "something to remember me by" has no meaning for my kids. They see things I'd never think of. So much of what I have I will allow them to do with as they see fit.

The grand piano will go to church, if they can use it. Otherwise, perhaps the kids can find a good home for it.

Having lost both parents, a brother, sister, and a wife I now see that what is nice to have to remember someone by is usually not something anyone else deems important. The old, beat up knife of my dad's, a bowl mom used, etc...
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  #29  
Old 11-13-2014, 11:01 AM
Silly Moustache Silly Moustache is offline
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Back in2006 when i was seriously, possibly terminally ill, I made a deal with a friendly specialist guitar shop proprietor that he would dispose of my instruments for me at a good rate and give the money to my wife

We even drew up and agreement. (the younger generation of my family are totally disinterested).

I survived (I think) and he had a serious heart attack and then the bottom fell out of the higher dollar market and he sold up.

I did that because in 2004 My best frind became terminally ill and asked ME to dispose of his guitars, but when he died his wife wouldn't let me near them although I had been determined to the best for her.
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  #30  
Old 11-13-2014, 11:18 AM
scottishrogue scottishrogue is offline
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Cool Guitars in my Will

I was recently diagnosed in inoperable cancer, and am currently dealing with this dilemma right now. None of my grown children play, but I'm urging them to learn how...soon!

I am giving most of my guitars away to my children and a few friends, and my son has been helping me with this project. Each of my kids will be getting a Martin DC Aura, as I have 3. And their spouses will also be getting a guitar (not sure yet who gets which ones) and my 2 daughters and my daughter-in-law will be getting identical "Hellier" Antonio Stradivari 4/4 violins that I purchased. My son asked if he could have my metallic plum Fender Stratocaster and my eldest daughter asked if she could have my D'Angelico "New Yorker" archtop electric. My grandchildren will each get a small body guitar, and 2 are currently learning to play ukulele. Most will be given away before I croak!

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