My marriage vs a Martin

[Earl49]

Originally Posted by kayharley

.....Hubby doesn't feel towards music like I do so I understand him thinking what I want is frivolous and unnecessary. We'll see....thanks again for the laughs and advice.....

There are lots of things my wife (of 32½ years) buys that I just don't "get". But I want her to be happy, so I never say a word. If she wants it, it is by definition NOT frivolous. For example, I never say anything about yet another pair of shoes, and she never says anything about yet another tool for the shop - or another guitar. She plays flute very well and we often play music together, so she understands the instrument thing more than most.

[Dreadful]

It depends on what stage your marriage is at. I would not have thought of buying a new Martin the first seven years of our marriage when our three children were born. After twenty years of marriage, we both started buying what we wanted without asking - five new Martins for me, expensive shoes, clothes, furniture, and diamonds for her.

I would say wait a year or two, then just do it!

[Mr Bojangles]

My mom gave my sisters and myself some money a couple years ago before she passed away and I bought the Guild. I had (and still have) an really old guitar that my dad gave me that he had during WWII. It was playable but in really bad shape but I wouldn't sell for 10 Martins!
And so I then started to really get back into playing and now everytime I hear a song I absolutely love (and there are hundreds) I'll go online, find the music and hopefully a lesson to go along with it.
Hubby doesn't feel towards music like I do so I understand him thinking what I want is frivolous and unnecessary. We'll see....thanks again for the laughs and advice.[/QUOTE]

Oh, so you actually have TWO guitars, and now you want a third?? No wonder your husband is upset! (Just joking, you wouldn't believe how many guitars I have lying about.) Your husband should buy you the Martin and make you happy!

[LesRose]

At 61 I finally bought myself that Rosewood Martin, only wanted it for forty plus years.
Anything that you love doing, and do regularly for a couple of hours a day - is not a hobby. It is a serious part of your personality and means of personal expression.


Frivolous?
Necessary.

Why do you need permission to be yourself?

I can get more money, but I canʻt buy time.

There is always a reason not to do something, it really is easy to see two sides of a story. but if it doesnʻt take food off your plate, or cause financial disaster - buy it. He doesnʻt have to understand anything other than it makes you happy.

Marriage is personal, money is tricky, but if money isnʻt the issue - buy the guitar and play it like you mean it. Otherwise you might miss that window and forty years later go ..... Aw crap......

Why do you want another guitar? Why not?

[news_watch]

kayharley,
If he fishes, ask him how many rods he has and why.......
NW

[kayharley]

TBman... I can't get a decent pic of the label but it's oval and reads:
Established 1875
S. S. Stewart
Professional
Phil. PA on one side and New York on the other
Thanks!

[Tone Monster]

Originally Posted by kayharley

I want the 000-15 in sunburst so bad! Hubby just rolls his eyes and walks away everytime he sees me on one of the many sites drooling over it. I only have 1 guitar, I play 2-3 hours everyday and I work. So.....should I risk it or be happy with what I have now?

Tell him to get over it,

[Greg Rappleye]

Originally Posted by Guitars+gems

Kay, you have just answered your own question. If you have money of your own, what valid argument could your husband possibly present against you buying the guitar?

I'm sorry. I'm married but I would never let my husband have the power of veto over something I really wanted to do unless it could have a negative impact on him or us in some way. Nor would I try to dissuade him from a passion. We wish each other well in the world, and that means supporting each other's interests.

My advice is to sit down with your husband and calmly tell him why the guitar is important to you and how you will pay for it. I would assure him that just because you'll have 2 guitars does not mean that you plan to play twice as much. Finally, let him know that you would appreciate his support, but that you are not seeking his permission and do intend to buy the guitar, regardless.

All this whining and nagging you're doing devalues you as a person and subjects you to his denial. The advice you've been given to try different manipulative ploys has been misguided, though probably meant in fun.

Never let another person, spouse or otherwise, stand in the way of pursuing your goals or passions. And don't forget to post a NGD when you get that Martin!

This is your answer!



Greg Rappleye

P.S. And keep the Guild.

[LesRose]

It occurred to me -- What does your husband do with himself while you play for 2-3 hours every day?


"Sometimes the needs of the one, outweigh the needs of many". James Kirk

[Gasworker]

Originally Posted by Fatstrat

If the money isn't a problem then IMO you have a marriage issue. My wife is one of those content with what she has people. I'm the wanter. She grew up poor and we are better off than her family was. And she appreciates that. But if she tells me that there is something she really wants, I WILL find a way to get it. I have even sold cherished guitars and guns to do so. I can always get another guitar or gun. But she's a one of a kind.
Perhaps your husband is stalling you while he makes his plans to get it for you?

You have guns now you tell us

[CarryOn]

Kay, I love that guitar you posted! Any info on the history of it, or your dad's history with it? I love instrument stories.

Kind of related: when I was a teenager, I decided I needed a banjo (open-back), but we didn't have money for anything like that. My dad was a fair hand at woodworking (and a general renaissance man, anyway), so he told me if I could pay for the metal parts, he could do all the wooden bits.

It took about two years, and it all started with us cutting down a maple tree, so we really did start at the beginning of the process, and what I ended up with is a totally unique banjo, crafted by my dad and me, and utterly priceless, AFAIC.

Good luck on getting your Martin. I understand it's less about permission and more about guilt and harmony.

Oh, one other tidbit: I think a lot of this in my marriage is influenced by our personalities. I'm more of a live-in-the-moment kind of person. Wife is much more of a planner/organizer, and also much more practical than I am, and if I tell the truth, much more responsible.

Things like this, that's why we butt heads sometimes. We'll have been married 26 years in a couple of weeks, and I still think back to when we were getting married.

Debt (and finances in general) are very important subjects to my wife. That's why she handles the money, that's why we're debt-free, and that's why we're set to retire quite early, so I can't complain too much.

In the time leading up to our wedding, happy-go-lucky me had run up a bit of credit card debt; nothing major, no card was maxed out, but to her, debt = failure as a person, so (with my permission) she took over managing my finances at that point and she had everything paid off in no time.

What did I do one week before getting married (and we paid for most of our wedding ourselves)? I went out and spent $2K (on a card) for a resonator banjo.

I think that's what turned her general indifference toward music-related things to outright suspicion and hostility. It didn't sit well when, at our rehearsal dinner, I said, "Oh, yeah, you're going to see a charge on my credit card statement..."

For her, money is for necessities, and in no way, shape, or form, is an instrument ever a necessity, for anybody, so that really cheesed her off.

The only other "big" instrument purchase I made was when I spent, I don't know, maybe $600 for a new Carvin electric in 1995. That was one where she wanted to go on a long weekend break to Switzerland (we were living in the UK at the time), and I'd been eyeing this electric, so I said, "Uh, sure, but since I don't really want to go [a lie], can we call that your birthday present?"

"Yeah, sure, that's fine."

<three-second pause>

"Ok, great, I'm buying this guitar for my birthday. We're square!"

She did get mad later when I explained I'd need a few hundred dollars for an amp in order to actually hear the guitar!

BTW, I still have my dad's banjo, that resonator banjo (a Flatiron), the Carvin (and the Crate amp), and my D-28!

[kayharley]

CarryOn....
What a great story. The only info I have on that old Stewart guitar is slim to none. I remember my dad playing a few very simple songs on it when I was like 16, then he taught me a G chord and next thing he knew, I confiscated it.
I don't know if he had while he was in the Navy or bought it when he came home. It's priceless to me because he was priceless to me. Sadly he was killed at the age of 52 by a reckless driver...I would have loved to play for him.

As far as what my hubby does while I play....usually watching TV. I so wish he'd get himself a hobby! I've offered to show him some simple chords hoping he'd find it fun but no way. I am fortunate that my occupation gives me free time during the day so after chores are done I play.

This forum is wonderful and I'm so glad I found it!

[BluesKing777]

Originally Posted by kayharley

Wow...thanks for all the replies.
I don't think it's so much of a money issue as maybe jealousy. I play my Guild to death so how much would I play the Martin....like all the time and he knows it!
I cook wonderful dinners, keep an immaculate house, bring home a paycheck and the only other thing I've ever really nagged about wanting is a small greenhouse. Problem is my husband is a very content man who is happy with what he has and doesn't need much. I'm somewhat the same but this passion I have for playing has become important in my life. I never expected to be able to play some of the songs I've learned through the internet and it's the best feeling.

And so I nag on....

All this over a humble 000-15?

Wait til you try a CEO7!!! Husband gone.

Or....gulp...a Martin full fledged Authentic!!

(I have a 000-15 still - 2nd Martin I ever bought - great guitar!)


BluesKing777.

[pfflyer55]

Originally Posted by kayharley

Wow...thanks for all the replies.
I don't think it's so much of a money issue as maybe jealousy. I play my Guild to death so how much would I play the Martin....like all the time and he knows it!
I cook wonderful dinners, keep an immaculate house, bring home a paycheck and the only other thing I've ever really nagged about wanting is a small greenhouse. Problem is my husband is a very content man who is happy with what he has and doesn't need much. I'm somewhat the same but this passion I have for playing has become important in my life. I never expected to be able to play some of the songs I've learned through the internet and it's the best feeling.

And so I nag on....

You don't have a marriage issue, it's healthy to bargain and to pursue what you want, but you have to prioritize and accept the truth once in a while and give up a little for a while. Don't ask him anymore, just keep playing and honing your skills and let your music convince him that you are worthy of a better guitar. Thank him for being a responsible loyal husband and he may just give in in the future.

[pfflyer55]

Originally Posted by Guitars+gems

Kay, you have just answered your own question. If you have money of your own, what valid argument could your husband possibly present against you buying the guitar?

I'm sorry. I'm married but I would never let my husband have the power of veto over something I really wanted to do unless it could have a negative impact on him or us in some way. Nor would I try to dissuade him from a passion. We wish each other well in the world, and that means supporting each other's interests.

My advice is to sit down with your husband and calmly tell him why the guitar is important to you and how you will pay for it. I would assure him that just because you'll have 2 guitars does not mean that you plan to play twice as much. Finally, let him know that you would appreciate his support, but that you are not seeking his permission and do intend to buy the guitar, regardless.

All this whining and nagging you're doing devalues you as a person and subjects you to his denial. The advice you've been given to try different manipulative ploys has been misguided, though probably meant in fun.

Never let another person, spouse or otherwise, stand in the way of pursuing your goals or passions. And don't forget to post a NGD when you get that Martin!

This is horrible advice, a marriage is a combination of love and support between 2 people and no object or passion is worthy of compromising your marriage in any way. You reap what you sow!