How many of you turned down offers to play in bands?

[maxed]

I've never turned down a band offer. But after a coffee shop gig I had as a duo with a female singer-songwriter, a young high school boy asked me if I'd be willing to teach. Being a self-taught guitarist with no formal music theory background, I wouldn't have known where to start. So I told him as much, and politely declined.

All I could have offered was to teach him chords and how to play certain songs. And it wouldn't have felt right accepting money for that.

[dilver]

This is going to sound stupid, but I turned down playing with a bunch of really ugly dudes. Just couldn’t do it. It’d be one thing if they were awesomely talented. But they were just okay.

[TheGITM]

I've only played in 1 band... back in the 80s when I was in the US Army in Germany. Mostly 70s and 80s rock/metal. We had a promoter that booked us and we had promo posters and such... good times, for sure!

That said, once I left the Army I really had no desire to continue playing clubs on the weekends. I had other stuff I wanted to do.

My bandmates and I drifted off into different life paths, but we've stayed in touch on and off for the past 35 years.

The only other band I would have even considered joining was a 50s tribute band in Destin, FL - where I lived before joining the Army. After I had already signed on with the Army, the band leader approached me and asked if I'd be interested in joining the band. I told him I was heading off to boot camp in a few weeks... so had to say no.

[The Bard Rocks]

I've never turned down an offer - because I've never had any. The bands I've played in just kind of got together to jam and took it from there. Mostly I have been either solo or in duos.

I did crash a band once. Saw a card and called to see if I could jam with them. There was a hesitation and then,"I'll get back to you." When they told me to come on over, I was surprised (shouldn't have been) that they were a band and had just let me join them. What had been thinking when I made the first call? Eventually, 20 years later, I became the leader.

[Tahitijack]

After 25 years playing guitar in bands I put down my guitars and sat down learning to play keys. I'm not ready to play out but I'm having fun playing every day...seated..not standing. As a solo player I quickly learned that I can play any time and never need to coordinate everyone else's schedule....play songs in the tempo and key I choose along with the songs I choose in the order I pick. None of this came to mind when I was in a band.

[k_russell]

Originally Posted by Ralph124C41

sometimes I didn't like the type of musicians I would have had to play with, either their abilities (I once went to a tryout and the first song the guys played was "Wagon Wheel" which they played incorrectly.) ... .

Played "Wagon Wheel" incorrectly? Is that even possible?

[Mr Bill]

I was with a couple of good friends who started a cowboy band. I played several gigs with them, then realized it would require more time than I could invest. I bid them adieu and happy trails, but we would still get together and jam occasionally, and I even did a long weekend gig with them one time because they were desperate for another singer/guitarist. We're still good friends.

They both retired from their jobs, and would go down to a retirement community in Arizona for the winters, and they played cowboy music at a venue that brought in about 1000 people for every concert, which they did 3-4 times a week. The pay was exceptional, and the guys said they were treated like stars by the old folks. Requests for autographs, sign some CDs, loud exuberant applause after every song, 'can I take a selfie with you?' etc.

I could been a contendah, but noooo.


However, no regrets. Very few things would I change in this life.

[L20A]

I have played in a variety of bands over the last 40 years.
The only time that I said no to joining a band was when the band was going to be a Bar Band.
I never had a desire to do that.

[Backpocketnj]

I've turned down every offer I've had in the past 10 years. I don't enjoy performing, being out in the evenings, lugging my gear around, etc. When I was a late teen in my 20s, I said yes to everything like that though, and felt like I had enough that it was out of my system. I like playing at home, occasionally recording, and playing with friends on the rare occasion.

[Don Lampson]

I used to get frequent offers to play in wineries, bars, & parties, as a solo, small act, often hiring other musicians far more talented than yrs truly... I just got too old for the load in, teardown, myself, & felt like a spoiled diva for not helping like I should...

I still have some 1st class musicians who enjoy playing with me, and want me to organize a band, except they expect me to get the gigs, so I can tell them the time, date, location, etc, for the gig... I don't have the desire to do that! I wasn't cut out to be a band leader, & rhythm guitar harmony singers are a dime a dozen....

I dream of being asked to jump into an outfit I admire & believed in, but so far, it's just a recurring show biz fantasy, on an ever dimming horizon...

Don

[RussellHawaii]

I share the OP’s concern…3 nights per week in a bar does not sound like fun to me. Once upon a time maybe.
I guess I’m old, but that’s too much time spent away from home and in a bar. I’m no longer a bar person.
When I watch musicians play in situations where people are not really listening, such as restaurants and most bars, it just seems sad to me now.
I’d be excited to play in a real listening situation. If it were a non-bar venue and one to four times per month, I’d be interested.

[tinnitus]

Too many to count.

Nothing special here as a player, just a competent rock/blues covers guy, sporadically gigged in probably 8-10 part-time garage bands since 1973-74. After I quit my last one (should've named the band Uphill Battle), I actively auditioned around town on Craigslist for a few years.

Hard pass on all offers after 1-3 jams when all the (usual) issues surfaced:
- Substances (I like beer too, but be reliable. And don't embarrass me onstage).
- Egos, yokos, ridiculous schedules.
- Volume wars, arguing over "alternate" chords, etc.
- Cigarette smoke in the practice room.

And the one thing I'm simply too old to tolerate ever again:
- Insipid music, just can't do it.

And now, pushing 70, things are looking up. Finally found a compatible acoustic duo partner who likes good music too. Works great, thank you!!!

[EZYPIKINS]

When I started gigging heavy in 1978. Gigged twice a week, with three a week rehearsals. On top of that we all ha 8-5 day jobs. Did that for about 25 years. Then things slowed down a bid=t. Got involved with a Country project, doing allot of opening act stuf. Got to travel a bit, see some of the country. After 5 or 6 years of that, and I was ready to stay closer to home. Started recording. Eventually built a studio in my house. Gave everything up to move to the Midwest, where my wife was diagnosed stage 4. In less than 3 years I was alone.
Found a woman here who likes to play. Been playing/rehearsing with her for 9 months. Have built a repertoire of around 90 songs with her. Played our first gig last night. I liked the playing. Not too crazy about the hauling equipment though.
This was her first ever gig . Booked from 6-9 played an hour or so longer. Once its set up, as long as there's people listening, I'm gonna play. Who knows, any gig at this point may be the last.
Got home close to midnight, dog woke me a 6am wanting out.
Life is good again.

[Nymuso]

I always take a look, so I’ve been to more than a few “first rehearsals” that I immediately exited after I got a negative feel for things. So I tend to keep an open mind . . .

. . . however, I have Don Henley blocked on my phone. Just in case.

[warfrat73]

When I was in grad school I was approached by a group that called themselves a bluegrass band (and they took their name from a pretty famous bluegrass instrumental)... even though the guitar player played a tele most of the time. I had seen them live a few times, and they were ok. Not sure if the idea would have been for me to replace the tele player, or supplement him.

Anyway, I was noodling on a couple of Martins in a local shop and one of them approached me, asked if I was interested. I politely declined... he gave me his card in case I changed my mind. He somehow got my number, even though I didn't give it to him or tell him my name, and called me a couple weeks later to see if I had reconsidered.

I don't know, it might have been fun, but they were gigging and traveling too much to try to do that and grad school.