A dads observation on learning

[Sponserv]

I was a very late entrant into the learn to play guitar world. Started at 56 and am now about 10 years into my journey. I would consider myself somewhere between a beginner and "knocking on the door" of being an intermediate player. Admittedly life gets in the way or my progress would be much better.

I have a 16 year old son who took a rock history course and is absolutely more dialed in to the bands of my era than I ever will be. He talks about chord progressions, riffs, basic theory and other stuff like he has been playing for years.

However, he will not even think about touching any of my guitars. I have been trying to convince him that the younger he starts the better musician he will be.

He has this mental block that if he can't be David Gilmour in two weeks then he will not bother even trying. Its is very frustrating for me.

I stink at guitar but for me it is very cathartic and relaxing. When I am playing I only focus on my playing and not anything else that would be bothering me.

Is there anyone else out there dealing with this? I tell him that professional musicians are just that...professionals. We all can't play like Clapton. Or throw footballs like Brady. Or hit golf balls like Tiger. But that doesn't stop most people from playing golf anyway.

I just don't get it.

[b1j]

Hi, Joe.

I had a friend in college named Al who idolized Paul McCartney and played bass. He was tortured by his limitations and by the obvious fact that he would never have McCartney’s musicality, fluidity, creativity, spontaneity, or tone. He could not enjoy just playing the lines and having them come out sounding like Al.

Me, I’m a lifelong intermediate. I know music but I don’t read music close to fluidly. I sporadically produce sublime tone inside expressive lines, but I never get through a song without mistakes, or at least without a squeak, missed note, or badly strummed chord.

But I’m OK with that. The minority of the time that I play “well” is enough to put up with all the rest. I play for myself.

[JMW01]

Originally Posted by Sponserv

However, he will not even think about touching any of my guitars.

Perhaps he needs his own guitar?

[Sponserv]

I have tried buying him his own guitar a few times. We have been literally at the door of the guitar shop and he changes his mind and turns around.

I just wish I could impress upon him that he does not have to be perfect at everything to enjoy it. Frustrating and sad at the same time.

[tinnitus]

My dad was a professional artist/illustrator, widely published and fairly well known here in the NW. While I'm not without some basic drawing skills, I went out of my way to avoid trying in any way to emulate Pop, confident that (by comparison) I would fall miserably short of actual success.

Might be a bit of that here with your own father/son guitar equation.

Not sure what might nudge your son out of his apparent reluctance. But I will say that while my own boy grew up loving and understanding what we now call classic rock, it was his peer-level high school involvement with metal bands (something I had nothing to do with) that got him playing far more than I ever did.

[abn556]

Both my dad and then I served in the Airborne. I had hoped that my son would follow in our footsteps and serve as well, but he wouldn’t consider it. He did however pick up guitar from me. He’s 35 now and 25 years in on playing. He’s constantly texting me cool guitars that he finds for sale on various sites. Over the years we have bought him a new Strat, a P Bass, and a 61 Reissue SG. I have also given him numerous amps and my old MIJ Sigma DM-18.

So he passed on one legacy thing, but followed me into a lifetime of guitar playing.

[Denandannie]

Kids want short cuts. There aren’t any.

[Sadie-f]

Some thoughts for both of you.

I picked up guitar in my mid teens and sandbagged myself between youthful expectations, and feelings of inadequacy. I had a probably sears bought lowest end Yamaha, gravitated to my own version of self taught fingerstyle, and gave up by my early 20s after plenty of working hard .. with unrealistic expectations. I bought sheet music, and worked on poor covers of Beatles, Grateful Dead, old and in the way ..

My immediate family was as non musical as one could ask, lessons weren't an option, I couldn't have gotten from the farm where I grew up to a teacher. That Yamaha was given to a troubled adopted brother in law who went on to gigging as his day job. It was an awful guitar, by then, it had a twist in the neck, terrible action, yet it served a purpose.

Fast forward 35 years to pandemic, I was locked out of the labs, paid but couldn't work and beyond stir crazy in the isolation of spring 2020 bought an ovation that didn't fit well, but was fundamentally sound, played it hard, immediately gravitated back to my self taught fingerstyle.

Making some progress, and knowing I would stick with it, I bought my first Martin, the guitar I'd lusted after in my youth, and long after, when I had friends who had cherished Martins. Now I've built a couple of electrics, an OM acoustic, and have begun cutting parts for two more OMs. I'm becoming fluid with improvising, which is the main thing I ever wanted.

I have a lot more discipline as an adult, and having taken on many skills at professional level over the years, I've also learned to respect my own ways of learning. Which is where I come to you and your kid (remembering to remind my daughter that my ovation remains on offer, she now has a place with enough space to own an instrument larger than her uke :-).

I don't think we can push much on our kids. I set the seeds of both baking and blue water sailing for my daughter, never knew she'd go farther than I ever did with both. We also share deep appreciation of the same musicians. They pick up what they do, and **** if she isn't better than her mom at lots of things. My other daughter came to being a professional user of technology on her own, and knew where to come for specific advice.

With regard to your own playing, there's nothing wrong with the occasional buzz. One of our amazing local guitar gurus recorded the demo of a prewar Martin, probably the best guitar I've ever heard in person, there's a buzz in his pink Floyd cover, that's reality, when we push our limits there are more mistakes than when we play inside safe limits.

[Horsehockey]

Well, if he likes girls, you can tell him that there’s no better magnet. Walk away saying “google it if you doubt me.”

[Seb_274]

Originally Posted by Sponserv

I stink at guitar but for me it is very cathartic and relaxing. When I am playing I only focus on my playing and not anything else that would be bothering me.

Love this sentence. I identify 100% with this.

As for passing on to kids, I have 2 daughters. One 19 year old who is really into music. Big concert goer and listens to a bunch of bands. Never imposed anything on her but one day she started klinking on the piano and a few months later she started strumming on the guitar. Gave her my old Yamaha F310 and she plays stuff, nothing fancy.

My 12 year old plays piano, and I have tried to impose guitar on her, but there is no way. I bought her a Yahama 3/4 nylon string guitar, but she shows little interest. Won't push further. Am hoping she will pick up on it in her teens

[Robin, Wales]

Well, I've rock climbed, mountaineered, kayaked, canoed, surfed, skied, mountain biked etc for my career and as my hobbies. I'm heading out surfing today as the conditions are looking good. But my 3 boys didn't touch that lifestyle at all. They just think that dad is completely mad!!!

However, I have hopes that my granddaughters may come on a few adventures with grandad when they get a bit bigger.

You can present opportunities but you have to let your kids take their own path.

[Malcolm Kindnes]

Originally Posted by Denandannie

Kids want short cuts. There aren’t any.

This is very true. My four children all started to learn the guitar, I think on the basis that "it can't be that hard if dad can do it". When they discovered the truth they all gave up at some point.

One of them went on to be a professional drummer for a few years, but eventually had to settle down and get a proper job. He still talks about playing guitar but just won't put in the hours that it requires.

One of my granddaughters plays a bit but not very seriously.

[JKA]

Playing the guitar, like any other instrument is hard.

It's painful, slow and frustrating and requires determination and a certain kind of mindset. Most people who say they wish they could play the guitar don't have the necessary qualities to become players of the instrument.

Almost everyone I know who has said they want to try give up because of some excuse like; fingers too short, fingers too long, hand won't move into that position, it's too painful, the guitars too big or too small...you get the drift.

The only people who end up being guitar or other instrument players are those who want to be. How good you become is down to one thing only and that's how much time you put in practicing. Whatever the excuse it's still down to practice, practice and more practice.

[rmp]

went thru similar with my son, he was far more of a "natural" at drums

and now at 47, I don't think I've ever heard or played with a more competent knowledgeable drummer.

2 years ago, he finally got serious with guitar and he's progressing fast, which for a guy his age, is unusual. Highly motivated.

But for now, and your boy, seems that at least he knows guitar is more work than he's willing to commit to. He's setting the bar kind of high, he doesn't need to play like David Gilmore, but he can learn a lot by studying his work.

I say give it time, if it's something he really wants to do, he'll do it.

It's not something you can force on to the kid.

[fazool]

Originally Posted by Sponserv

....he will not even think about touching any of my guitars. I have been trying to convince him that the younger he starts the better musician he will be....

does he WANT to play guitar or do YOU want him to play guitar?