My marriage vs a Martin

[Muffinhead]

I have already posted in this thread but I feel like I had to add this. If you care about your husband and your marriage, then the two of you need to sit down and discuss how much music means to you.

My wife is a little like your husband. Last year I had two guitars, a Seagull S6 and a Guild F-130. I knew that I really wanted a good USA made guitar. I figured in a couple of years I will have been able to save up the money to buy one. My wife was of the opinion that I already have two guitars, why on earth would I need another one. The difference between my situation and your situation is that my wife knows how much music means to me and how much I enjoy playing my guitar.

So last year I came across a great deal on a Larrivee OM-40r. It had everything I wanted. It was a great American made guitar, OM sized, flamed maple binding, rosewood B&S and $500 less than I was planning to spend. The deal was so good that I knew that if I let it pass me by I would always regret it. I immediately texted my wife and told her about it. Much to my surprize she texted back "go ahead and get it". Later she said to me, "you don't play golf, you don't go out drinking with the guys, you don't hunt and you don't fish, so spending a little money on this guitar is a bargain compared to what you could be spending money on".

She still doesn't get it (the first thing she said when she saw it was "it looks just like your other guitars") but she does understand that I love music and that I could have worse hobbies or interests that could cost far more money.

Talk to your husband. I am sure you can work it out without guilt or hard feelings on either side.

[jeanray1113]

"Somebody asked what would happen if I bought the Martin without hubby's approval. Probably nothing but I'd feel guilty. I really want him to share my passion."

This is what you may have to get past. Just about everyone here would probably love to have a partner as passionate about music as they are, but not all do, or will. It sounds like you and your husband do enjoy some common interests. Music may never be one of them. But that is no reason for you to feel guilty about spending your time and money on it. You have bought other things he wasn't 100% behind; why not the guitar of your dreams? As someone else said, life is too short.

[Neil K Walk]

Originally Posted by kayharley

My hubby is a good man and my intention has never been to criticize him. BTW....I sold the Harley cuz I wanted to be around to see my kids grow up.
If and when I get my Martin I'll post a pic. Peace!

I don't doubt he is. Some of us are projecting our pitiful situations on him. It ain't fair - to anybody. We all need to be more positive and give those who may or may not be ignorant to others feelings the benefit of the doubt to see the truth: that musical things are part of who we are.

Anyway, have you tried that particular model out first? If not, seek one out. Make a special trip if you have to.

FWIW, Nazareth is pretty this time of year and NYC and Philly aren't too far away. My wife - also a nonmusical critic - used to make the drive from Philly to Hartford, CT in about 3 hours. If he runs his own business he would probably appreciate a family run business that's been going on for over 5 generations with several generations of loyal employees on the payroll. There should also be a few places to buy that particular model along the way. I won't name names but some are bound to be sponsors here.

[pfflyer55]

All of us here want you to get that Martin, so when you do let us know and we will party with you and have a cheer or two! Peace Kay!

[Dulcilo]

Your situation reminds me of how fortunate I am to have a husband who fully supports me in both buying new instruments and the time I spend on practice and lessons even though he does not play. But then, it is also my salary that pays all the bills.

[Guilty Spark]

Originally Posted by Guitars+gems

Kay, you have just answered your own question. If you have money of your own, what valid argument could your husband possibly present against you buying the guitar?

I'm sorry. I'm married but I would never let my husband have the power of veto over something I really wanted to do unless it could have a negative impact on him or us in some way. Nor would I try to dissuade him from a passion. We wish each other well in the world, and that means supporting each other's interests.

My advice is to sit down with your husband and calmly tell him why the guitar is important to you and how you will pay for it. I would assure him that just because you'll have 2 guitars does not mean that you plan to play twice as much. Finally, let him know that you would appreciate his support, but that you are not seeking his permission and do intend to buy the guitar, regardless.

All this whining and nagging you're doing devalues you as a person and subjects you to his denial. The advice you've been given to try different manipulative ploys has been misguided, though probably meant in fun.

Never let another person, spouse or otherwise, stand in the way of pursuing your goals or passions. And don't forget to post a NGD when you get that Martin!

I've always had to deal with friends whose wives didn't want them to go to hunting camp (a 20+ year, 5-day long tradition), or trout camp (a 24 year, 3-day long tradition) and whined about it year after year after year.
My wife? She has always said - God bless her - "I can't understand why women or men would want to deprive their spouse of something that brings so much happiness to them. It's almost......cruel, and doesn't seem to be a very good indication of serious love."
I've always agreed, and always reciprocated.
If hubby doesn't understand the key(s) to your happiness.............?

[tpbiii]

I have been married to the same woman for 48 years, but we have been playing music together since the day we met -- soon 50 years. Forty years ago, we decided to invest and play old guitars. We have about 100 instruments -- half mine and half hers. At this time, the guitars are worth much much more than what we paid. We play pretty much every day.

We had a plan and a dream -- worked for us. Here is my wife with her custom Jay Rhyne guitar. Also one of her nick names is AJ -- so she has the (1936) Gibson AJ.

Like I said -- music and a joint plan works for us.





Let's pick,

-Tom

[ridethewind]

I have two guitars. One is a 000-15M. It's my baby and I can relate to your desire.

My wife is generally good about supporting my music passion, but I knew she would not be happy if I spent $1,300 just like that. We're retired and it's harder to "make it back" when we spend larger sums. So my solution was: I had a Gibson LG1 that my parents had bought for me when I was 13, back in 1957. It was in very good shape and had aged well and of course had appreciated in value. I'd always wanted a Martin,, and the first time I played a 000-15M I realized that I'd never loved the sound or feel of that Gibson as much as I loved that Martin. Rather than hang onto it for sentimental reasons I sold it and bought the 000-15M for a lot less cash out of pocket. I have never regretted that decision.

I did the same when I bought the Breedlove 12: I sold my Norman 12 to reduce the cash outflow. I haven't regretted that either.

In both cases, I felt I was stepping up in quality and getting the sound and playability I loved.

My solution may not work for you. One way or another, I hope you can work that out.

[Mr Bojangles]

Originally Posted by kayharley

Just have to comment on the Harley post....

So several years ago during my midlife crisis I started looking at getting a Harley....another dream on my bucket list. And again I'm met with opposition from hubby. So I just nose around at our local shop, check out the classified and that Christmas I am surprised with a used but beautiful 883 Sportster, many extras/chrome.
Now before all you guys and gals start thinking that I have the best husband in the world, he had a secret agenda. I didn't know how to ride and the only time I was ever on a bike it was a little dirt number and I grabbed the front brake and went over the handlebars! Although the Harley was my bike, I imagine the plan was for me to be riding on the back....nope. I pushed this baby around my garage for 5 weeks before my riding safety course began. I got my license/endorsement and then proceeded to venture out on my hog. Hubby went and bought himself a Honda Shadow...stories not over.

So one day while I'm out on a back road I have a break down ( one of many)....no cell phone either. Being petite with an attitude, I'm quite vulnerable sitting on the side of the road, helmet on the ground trying to figure out what to do.
I decide I should have a gun for protection. Again, I am met with opposition but I stand my ground. Get my CC permit, join a local gun club, took several safety courses and bought the cutest little 239 9mm Sig. What does hubby do? Gets his CC permit but buys a 226 40 cal Sig. Anybody see a bit of competition in these scenarios?
I am hoping that he'll take up guitar....then my little 000-15 in Sunburst will be overshadowed by him getting a bigger Martin.
This story is meant to be funny and not to put my wonderful husband down....it's just comical to me how these things have worked out.

Wait a minute! You ride a Harley and pack a gun and you're ASKING your hubby if you can buy a Martin? Huh?! And this guy rides a Honda??

[Danny Klass]

Take the risk. Those are wonderful guitars.

[Captain Jim]

Originally Posted by Mr Bojangles

Wait a minute! You ride a Harley and pack a gun and you're ASKING your hubby if you can buy a Martin? Huh?! And this guy rides a Honda??

Now, that right there is funny!

Of course, the problem with Kay's scenario where her husband buys a bigger Martin is: he will start reading this forum, and she won't be able to commiserate with the folks here. Well, not in this same manner, 'cause he'll know what she is planning.